If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
