can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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