You can't special order awesome
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
