I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize