I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize