i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
