i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
