I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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