I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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