are you still at the devil's house?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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