I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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