No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
