i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
