just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
