I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
