I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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