He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
