If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
