Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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