im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize