The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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