You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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