I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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