Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm like, not good at living.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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