i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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