Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize