all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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