oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
