I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
