No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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