If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
