i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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