it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
