I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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