guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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