so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
