I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
