maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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