Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
