he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
