he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize