Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Randomize
