Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
