I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
