So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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