He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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