when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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