Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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