They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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