I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
