D3 body, D1 cock
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
