I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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