Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
