you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She even gives head with a lisp.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize