This girl is more easily done than said...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
