mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
not ubering you a puppy
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
