6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize