Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
