I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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