dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
