can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
