Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
