My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
