Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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