So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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