My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
