There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
