so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
