You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
