I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
