i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
