i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My brain says no but my pants say off.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
