i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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