If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
