Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
