I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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