Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
