So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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