I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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