I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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