bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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