I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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