I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
