Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Jerry, you need to find god
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Bring me that man meat
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
