two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize