69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
handjob tips. give me some.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
