i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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