even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
