R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
