dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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