You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
