Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Randomize
