This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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