you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
