I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
zippers are such a cool invention
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
