In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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