I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
