Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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