he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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