i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
