dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Still dying that you shit outside
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
