I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If that was your dad, he is hot
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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