It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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