why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
