She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
