It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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