Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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