Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
