there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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