sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
