the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
