stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
