While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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