i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
