please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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