I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
