If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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