carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I need a beard to bite.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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