im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
