That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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