It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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