Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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