you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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