There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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